On What Might Work

Dancers perform during “Butterfly Effect,” presented by Dance Brigade.

Tonight I went and saw a dear friend of mine perform in “Butterfly Effect”, a dance show about climate change, activism, and how a diverse community of women (yes, only women) are our only hope to get out of the mess we’re in. It was stunning, moving, and hope-giving. 

I often wonder about whether SF is worth it with its cold weather (OK, I know cold is a relative thing, but cold to me), overpriced e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, excess of tech bros, etc. And on a chilly Sunday evening, I, once again, decide that yes, it is worth it to live in a place where the Butterfly Effect is selling out every night and they had to add shows and it was on Super Bowl Sunday of all days and there was still a whole lot of freaks that chose local, Mission-made artivism over the biggest packaged show on Earth. This is why I choose this city.

It was super extra sweet when I ran into a woman I worked with 12 years ago, and she introduced me to her 11 year old daughter, and I realize that growing old in a place has a lot of value. Not that I think I will grow old in SF, who knows, but knowing folks for a long time and running into each other has inherent value. It just does.

And then, I had a date with someone who at first sight I may not have noticed, but over dinner he’s telling me that he works for a union, and I am so super totally surprised that I find this genuinely hot. Not just interesting, or cool, or exciting that he is as committed to “the work” as I am. But HOT.

My point is that while SF is geographically stunning, and has – still – a healthy diversity of folks passing through, and a few staying, that is not the glue that keeps me here, as I first thought. It’s the fact that by now, whether I like it or not, it’s my home, and that concept, once it takes hold of your heart, has staying power. And that what makes this feel like home is that I can go to a local show and have it be incredible and then see an old acquaintance and feel like I belong here. I am way surprised and delighted that I have managed to grow some roots in this city, and that this city has grown some roots in my heart.

As surprised and delighted as I am to find that a man’s job can be an aphrodisiac, not because it is super prestigious or lucrative, but because it tells me that he’s committed to something that truly matters. I always knew that was really important to me, in my head, or even in my heart. But tonight I learned that the rest of my body agrees. How did I make it this far into my life without knowing these basic truths about myself and what might work for me? I have no idea, but I’m excited that I’m not done learning and I’m not done evolving and I’m not done surprising myself, and that things that may not have even been a thing a while back, really matter to me today.

And that I am present enough in my life to allow the evolution and to notice it, and to do what I can to save my ass, and a tiny little portion of the world in the process. And find others that are doing the same thing. Hell yeah!