“I hate it here, mom.”

This week I was talking with a colleague who was facing a horrible choice. Her kids are far away from her in a place that offers incredible opportunities for their future, but it isn’t an ideal environment. A few weeks ago her oldest called to say he hated it, hated being there, didn’t think it was worth it to stay.

Ugh, they say a mom is only as happy as her saddest child. Of course she was really conflicted, because getting them to this place of opportunities and access, potentially more education and privilege, had been an incredible effort for her. She didn’t want it to go to waste.

At the same time, she knew that if her kids were really struggling, it might not be wise for them to remain in a situation where they felt unsafe or were emotionally worn down.

But then I reminded her: this is the same kid who once called because the sheets were too scratchy. She was going to send him new ones, never got around to it, and eventually he got used to the ones he had. So I said, listen, I can’t imagine being in your situation because it’s so incredibly difficult to assess long-distance how your kids are actually doing. The only thing you can do in a situation like that is trust your gut.

It’s just that balancing future opportunities or mental health feels like an impossible decision.

Later that evening I kept thinking about our conversation, and I realized how impossible her decision really was. On one side, there was the argument that if a child endures some discomfort for the sake of future opportunity (better education, more access, greater privilege) that access might equip them to create a full and happy life. On the other side, there was the case for mental health, that a child who feels safe and supported will have the stability to build opportunities for themselves in the long run. Neither path is perfect. Both have their risks.

I’m sharing this with you because no option is ever perfect. For every path we choose, there are pros and cons, and the reality is we can’t know ahead of time if it’s the “right” one. Even afterward, we can’t know, because we’ll never see what would have happened if we’d taken the other road. All we can do is our best in the moment and let the chips fall where they may.

The only thing that really matters is that we can sleep at night with the decision we made. That’s why it’s so critical to trust your intuition more than anybody else’s opinion. At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to carry the spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental consequences of your choices.

Everybody wants a silver bullet, everybody wants certainty, everybody wants reassurance that it’s going to be okay. And the reality is that there’s no such thing. The only certainty we really have is what we can live with, and so our work is in growing our courage, becoming more and more comfortable with laying in the bed we’ve made, while always knowing that when we wake up in the morning, we get to make it again.

So if you’re facing a really difficult decision, please know this: there’s no wrong choice. Life keeps moving, and you can always make new choices. Remembering that is one of the keys to unlocking the magic in your life.